Who am I?
(May 4th CTC page 125)This reading addresses the experience so many of us have of knowing others so much better than we know ourselves. The writer shares that Al-anon has helped them to discover their own thoughts and feelings by identifying with others when the others shared, and in doing steps 4 and 5.
Like the writer, I used to think I knew myself. Since coming to Al-anon, I have begun to question even the things I liked about myself, like being helpful, resourceful, eager to please, and so on. Was it the alcoholism in my family that resulted in me being this way? Who would I be without that?
I also often hear myself in other people’s shared experiences. In this way, I have come to a deeper understanding of how far-reaching the impact of the family disease is. Sadly, I hardly remember how I might have been before the disease took hold in my family. It was there as far back as I can remember. And rather than dwelling on how I might have been, or how I am now, (like the CTC writer states, thoughts and feelings do change), I deliberate about how I now choose to be. How I choose to be is a process of empowering myself, and at the same time, nurturing my relationship with my Higher Power. The Serenity Prayer is a powerful companion in this walk of recovery. I am grateful.